Updated: May 14
Breaking the illusion
I can’t remember if it was the third Ayahuasca ceremony or the tenth when something finally switched in my head and suddenly the rose tinted bullshit glasses came off and the whole world I lived in looked and felt very, very different. I was very unprepared for how far through the bullshit I was about to see through.
It was like a switch had been lit up and nothing ever looked the same again. I could see clearly through the entire bullshit of the world; the bullshit of others and the bullshit of myself. The lies we tell each other and the lies we tell ourselves suddenly lit up and jumped out at me like flashing neon signs for the world to see and I knew life wouldn’t be the same again. At first it was interesting and I often chuckled at myself as I observed the absurdities that fell from my own lips, as I struggled to find what was my own truth. The really dodgy bullshit salesman in me needed to go and I slowly peeled myself out of the costume and allowed it to drop to the floor, free from the suffocation it was causing.
I hung my society dance shoes up for good and put on a new set of white feather wings, they took a while to fit.
Conversations from friends now became loudspeaker bollocks alerts and I could clearly see that they also had no idea of the lies they were living and breathing. I just couldn’t understand that they couldn’t see it and hear it, for me it got louder and louder. Why was no one talking about the huge pile of neon pink bullshit that was in the room! The whole web of society just looked false, somewhat made up, and most certainly it never made any sense any longer. Why can’t anyone see that the government lies, why can’t people on the news and TV realise it’s all programmed crap and why wasn’t anyone in authority doing anything about the state of our country, why, why, why.
I soon came to the conclusion that living in the lies was easier than the changes the truth required people to make. The world was scared and full of fear. It’s what controlled us and kept us caged in our lies and half-truths. I soon gasped at the enormity of the changes I too would now have to make so I could live with my newfound truths and it was like I just couldn’t dance to the tune of the material media boogie.
TV and meaningless daily activities sent fear and boredom through my veins and I had no idea who I was becoming and where it would lead me. The new wings I wore shrunk around hostility and mindless activities and conversations. They however, grew when I was in nature and amongst tiny-glass people. The only certainly I had was that I had booked myself into another Ayahuasca ceremony and I couldn’t wait to connect back to the plants and the few people I would share the room with that night. Those few people; they got it, they saw it and they knew it.
They held that tiny glass and we all became one.
None of us knew exactly what it all was but we felt it and we were together in it. That was enough. That was the only thing that made any real logical sense and it was the only thing I wanted. Holding that tiny glass of brown thick liquid was the only god damn thing in the world that made any sense. It was the only thing I could find truth in, the only friend I wanted to talk to and the only thing that gave me hope and possibilities that the world had not been offering. It was only alone in the dark with 4 strangers and this mysterious brown brew that I could finally feel alive, held and loved. Everything fell into place in my mind and everything was ok in that tiny glass. What I thought I loved became meaningless and what I thought was meaningless was the entire building blocks of my future. For the first time ever I began to trust that there was a higher force, a universal energy that was actually looking after me and that I was fully connected to it. I had no idea how I was connected but I knew I needed to hang on to it and that no matter what; I would always be safe and secure if I held that tiny glass and swallowed its contents.
Family could see I had changed, although I fought to hang onto old values and my parents’ beliefs and ingrained neural patterns. No matter how hard I hung on to them they seemed to slip through my fingers like sand in a sieve and I just didn’t see life in the same way. So I surrendered and let go.It was not easy to walk the two worlds I saw before me and over time I made peace between the bullshit. I just always knew that from that day my own inner truth was the only thing that mattered and no matter what, I couldn’t sell my soul to the bullshit devil ever again.
No one can ever tell you where that tiny glass will take you and once you hold that glass you will never be the same again. It’s mysterious and powerful and one day it will allow your rose glasses to fall and you will cut through the bullshit. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok and you will be ok and together we will be ok. I know people are not ready for the changes that truth demands, the new choices that would need to be made and the ripples the choices cause. There are occasions I need to pop my car salesman outfit back on but it’s exclusively for bank managers and in situations where the truth of being an Ayahuasca shaman creates more questions and fear than beauty.
People are just not ready for the white wings, it makes them uncomfortable. So I always make sure the society salesman costume is safely hanging in the back of the wardrobe ready for when i need it and my shaman robe is always at the front covered in white feathers.
All this is held by that tiny glass of possibilities.
Drink anyone ?